she was so not down for the gang bang
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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