I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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