Kiss
Puke
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm passing your future prison.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
