its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
