I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
