I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
