she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
