just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
