i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
