i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize