dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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