You made me cry and you don't even care
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
