This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
