please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
