whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
