Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
