We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
