Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
