community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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