I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am midnight drunk by noon
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
