I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
