Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and she was petting her beer can
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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