Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
