no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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