I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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