this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
