Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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