Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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