It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
