if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
