I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
