you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
