how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
