I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
