dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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