you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
