Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
