I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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