I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
