oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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