Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
