i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
