she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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