He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
