i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
