I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
