you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
