you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
