The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
