I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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