Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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