just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
