singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
