Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
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Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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