I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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