The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize