my sisters under your porch take her home
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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