Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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