ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
wow bdsm is so cute
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize