dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
