Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you didnt know i had herpes?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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