This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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