I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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