I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
