So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
