Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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