Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The power of my boobs compel you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
