I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
