we have officially lost it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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