I got chris browned last night
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
