Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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