Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
