no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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