Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
