I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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