Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm getting married
To pizza
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
