we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
