Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
