weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
