im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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