i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Bring me that man meat
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
